I would describe my almost eighteen (18) years marriage as a very good marriage except that there were a few mistakes we made dealing with in-laws which had built up resentments. Unfortunately, by the time we went for therapy, like many couples, we were at our lowest.
We started by doing an assessment of our love language, cultural compatibility, marital assessment, personality discovery assessment and relationship skills. There is a lot of truth to the saying that opposite attracts. We looked at our temperaments, how we love to be loved (which our therapist iterated as one of the most important things for a spouse to know to show love to his/her partner). Marital assessment is where each couple assesses where they believe their marriage is at. Our aim right from the beginning was to raise our “good” marriage to a “blissful” one, and discover new ways of nurturing each other to wholeness. We got to learn that our main strength as a couple is synergy of our strengths.
We spent time exploring our beliefs from childhood and cultures. We drew our family tree, happy and sad memories from our childhood, our strengths and our goals. Beliefs drive behaviour which eventually produce the results we get. So, the first step of change is awareness; awareness of our beliefs and being open to question them.
We spent about 3 sessions looking at effective communication. We practiced effective listening:
Acknowledgment
Validate
Assure
We should communicate to get clarity.
We talked about what can bring about barriers to communication which can include the fact that we know our spouse won’t validate our feeling, so we hold back. But we can nurture each other and make the relationship with our partner top priority.
We talked about the different elements to making friends or connections. We connect socially, mentally, emotionally, Spiritually and lastly physically (sexually). We spent about 2 sessions looking at our dream team players. These are the systems / strategies you put in place effortlessly to have a glowing marriage.
While we looked at these, we worked on our vision as a family and our therapist helped us fine-tune this before the end of the sessions.
I think there is a certain fear coming into therapy as most people come in while they are at their lowest. I did find the first sessions a bit painful in the beginning as you unravel painful experiences. But I was pleasantly shocked that I was comfortable talking about these things that would otherwise have provoked me with ease and calm at the end.
We are definitely in a better place in our marriage, and I am grateful we took this course.
Life cannot be perfect, but it’s reassuring to know you and your spouse are forever a team!
I recommend the Marital Bliss Course to every couple even if you feel you are in a good place in your marriage. It is nice to have an independent person review your systems and help you see things from a different point which surprisingly might be your spouse’s point of view.
Go to the site and click Courses and you will be taken there. Or click Coaching and you will get one of the best marital coaching you can ever imagine. What are you waiting for?